10 Rounds With Big Brown.
March 10th, 2006 :: GripesHere’s the scenario. A very expensive microphone is being shipped to me and is scheduled to arrive on Friday… signature required. I need it by 5PM on Friday and I cannot be home to sign for it. In an attempt to be proactive, on Thursday morning I start the excruciating process to have the package held at the local hub so I can pick it up at some point on Friday. Seems like it would be simple right? I could prove I am the intended recipient by having them verify my ID, phone number and address. Plus, I do know the tracking number right?
Round One: The local Hub
Customer “Service” Representative: UPS Charlotte Hub…
Me: Hi, I’ve got a package that should be coming into your hub in the next few hours and I need to have that package held so I can pick it up there. It’s a signature required package and I’ll be unable to be home in order to sign for it…
Customer “Service” Representative: What’s the tracking number sir?
Me: Uh… 1Z 01Y 2W3 42 9004 179 9
Customer “Service” Representative: Thank you… (typing noise) Ok sir this package has not arrived in our facility yet and we can’t hold any package unless there’s been a delivery attempt made. You can call the customer service center and they can send us a message to hold the package… do you have that number… the one eight hundred number?
Me: Yes, I do… I can’t just tell you guys to hold it for me?
Customer “Service” Representative: No sir, we can’t hold it unless we are authorized…
Me: Ok, I’ll call them… thanks.
Round Two: The Customer “Service” Center
(After nearly 30 seconds of firing off 0’s like an AK-47 in order to avoid the extremely annoying automated attendant)
Customer “Service” Representative: UPS…
Me: Hi, I’ve got a package that should be coming into my local hub in the next few hours and I need to have that package held so I can pick it up.
Customer “Service” Representative: What’s the tracking number?
Me:1Z 01Y 2W3 42 9004 179 9 (2nd time)
Customer “Service” Representative: (Typing) Just a second… Ok, this package has not arrived at the destination hub yet sir…. we can’t send any messages until it has arrived at the destination hub.
Me: Can you put it in your system to send the message when it arrives?
Customer “Service” Representative: No sir, we can’t send any messages until it has arrived at the destination hub sir…
Me: So… what would you suggest I do… how should I handle this?
Customer “Service” Representative: Well sir, you or we can continue to watch the package and when it arrives at the destination hub we’ll send a message telling them to hold it.
Me: So you guys can watch it for me?
Customer “Service” Representative: Well if we see that it’s arrived then we can send the message…
Me: So how would you see it?
Customer “Service” Representative: Well sir, if we track it and it’s arrived then we’ll send the message
Me: So you can track it for me?
Customer “Service” Representative: No sir, you’ll have to call back when you see that it’s arrived…
Me: You just said you could track it? Can you watch it for me or not?
Customer “Service” Representative: We can’t watch it for you but if we see it we’ll send the message…
Me: So you can’t watch it… would the only way you could see it is if I called you back?
Customer “Service” Representative: Yes sir.
Me: Wow… that’s a tremendous help… Won’t that probably be really late tonight? It typically arrives here very late and goes out the next morning right?
Customer “Service” Representative: Yes sir, it could be late but our customer service line is open 24 hours a day so you can call back then and they’ll take care of you.
Me: Call this same number here?
Customer “Service” Representative: Yes Sir…
Me: Ok, so I need to continue to track the package and when I see that it’s arrived at my hub
I’ll call this same number and you guys will have them hold the package…
Customer “Service” Representative: Yes sir.
Me: Ok, thanks. (I guess)
I now track the package online for several hours and eventually give up and go to bed with the intention of getting up early to try again…
Round Three: The Customer “Service” Center - 4:30 AM
Customer “Service” Automated Attendant: Welcome to UPS… Would you like to ‘Track a Package…’
Me: BEEEEEEEP! (ZERO)
Customer “Service” Automated Attendant: In order to blip BEEEEEEEP! (ZERO) blup BEEEEEEEP! (ZERO) pack. BEEEEEEEP! (ZERO)
Customer “Service” Automated Attendant: The customer service center is currently closed.
Please call back between 7AM and 12 Midnight…
Round Four: The local Hub - 5:30 AM
Customer “Service” Representative: UPS Charlotte, this is Monica…
Me: Hi, I have a package that I’ve been trying to get held there and can’t seem to get that accomplished… can you help me?
Customer “Service” Representative: Um… what’s the tracking number please?
Me:1Z 01Y 2W3 42 9004 179 9 (3rd time)
Customer “Service” Representative: Thanks. (Typing) Ok, we can’t hold this unless there’s been a
delivery attempt made… it will then be available at the hub. Or you can call customer service
and they can send us a message telling us to hold it here.
Me: I’ve tried that… they are closed.
Customer “Service” Representative: No sir, they are open 24 hours a day…
Me: I just tried them. Trust me, they are closed.
Customer “Service” Representative: Try them again… hit ‘0′ ‘#’ ‘0′ ‘#’ when they answer…
Me:‘0′ ‘#’ ‘0′ ‘#’… ok. (Thinking I’ve tapped into some esoteric UPS secret code)
Round Five: The Customer “Service” Center - 5:34 AM
Customer “Service” Automated Attendant: Welcome to UPS… Would you like to ‘Track a Package…’
Me: BEEEEEEEP! (ZERO)
Customer “Service” Automated Attendant: In order to blip BEEEEEEEP! (ZERO) blup BEEEEEEEP! (POUND) trik BEEEEEEEP! (ZERO) BEEEEEEEP! (POUND)
Customer “Service” Automated Attendant: The customer service center is currently closed.
Please call back between 7AM and 12 Midnight…
Round Six: The local Hub - 5:35 AM
Customer “Service” Representative: UPS Charlotte, this is Monica…
Me: Hi, it’s me again… they are definitely closed.
Customer “Service” Representative: Let me try them… call me back in one minute…
Me: (sigh) OK….
Round Seven: The local Hub - 5:35 AM
Customer “Service” Representative: UPS Charlotte
Me: Hi, me again… they were closed right?
Customer “Service” Representative: Yes… that is news to me…
Me: So what can I do?
Customer “Service” Representative: You’ll have to wait until 7AM and call them then… tell them you
need a package held and we’ll hold it if it’s still here…
Me: Won’t it be on a truck for delivery by then?
Customer “Service” Representative: Yes, but that’s no problem, we can pull it off the truck…
Me: What time do the trucks leave out?
Customer “Service” Representative: Trucks go out at 8:30
Me: Ok, thanks… (growing weary)
Round Eight: The Customer “Service” Center - 7:04 AM
Customer “Service” Automated Attendant: Welcome to UPS… Would you like to ‘Track a Package..’
Me: BEEEEEEEP! (ZERO)
Customer “Service” Automated Attendant: In order to blip BEEEEEEEP! (ZERO) blup BEEEEEEEP! (POUND) trik BEEEEEEEP! (ZERO) BEEEEEEEP! (POUND)
Customer “Service” Automated Attendant: Please Hold…
Customer “Service” Representative: UPS…
Me: Hi I need to have a package held at the hub..
Customer “Service” Representative: Can I have your tracking number?
Me:1Z 01Y 2W3 42 9004 179 9 (4th time)
Customer “Service” Representative: Sir, that package is showing that it’s already out for delivery…
Me: You’re kidding me… I’ve been trying to get this thing held for almost 12 hours? They said you could send a message and have it held… Can you not do that?
Customer “Service” Representative: Not at this time sir… there needs to be a delivery attempt.
Me: I can’t believe this… every person I talk to tells me something different…
(Silence, due to being hung-up on by Customer “Service” Representative)
Round Nine: The Customer “Service” Center - 7:06 AM
Customer “Service” Automated Attendant: Welcome to UPS… Would you like to ‘Track a Package…’
Me: BEEEEEEEP! (ZERO)
Customer “Service” Automated Attendant: In order to blip BEEEEEEEP! (ZERO) blup BEEEEEEEP! (POUND) tlup BEEEEEEEP! (ZERO) BEEEEEEEP! (POUND)
Customer “Service” Automated Attendant: Please Hold…
Customer “Service” Representative: UPS…
Me: Hi I need to have a package held at the hub…
Customer “Service” Representative: Can I have your tracking number?
Me:1Z 01Y 2W3 42 9004 179 9 (5th time)
Customer “Service” Representative: Sir that package is unable to be held… its already out. (Finally, some consistency)
Me: Ma’am, I’m not directing this at you personally, but this is getting ridiculous. I wish you could hear a recording of the run-around I’ve gotten trying to get this package held. All I want is for you to hold my package and let me come to you and pick it up… that’s it… that’s all I want… then I’d be out of your hair.
Customer “Service” Representative: Well I can try it… what’s your phone number… area code first?
Me:704… 258… 7473…
Customer “Service” Representative: Name… Harper Reso… Riso… Risop-honics?
Me: Yes, that’s right. Risop-honics…
Customer “Service” Representative: Please hold Sir.
Me: Yep…
Customer “Service” Representative: Ok, sir, I’ve sent that message but the package is showing that it’s already out for delivery so you’ll probably have to pick it up tonight…
Me: Thank you… (Click)
Round Ten: The local Hub - 7:10 AM
Customer “Service” Representative: UPS Charlotte
Me: Hi, Can I speak to Monica?
Customer “Service” Representative: She’s away from the desk right now… can I help you?
Me: Hi. I’ve been trying to get a package held there for quite some time now…
Customer “Service” Representative: Tracking number?
Me:1Z 01Y 2W3 42 9004 179 9 (6th time)
Customer “Service” Representative: Ok, sir its already on a truck ready to go out… you’ll have to get it after the delivery attempt…
Me: Ok, ma’am… I’m not directing this at you personally… but I’ve been sent on a wild-goose chase for about 12 hours now…
Everyone I talk to tells me something different… I was told to stay up all night and call customer service and that they could arrange for the package to be held… I was assured that it would be open 24 hours a day… When I call, it’s closed! I’ve been told that I have to call the local hub… I’ve been hung-up on.. I’ve been told completely contradicting instructions… this is ridiculous. All I want is for someone to tell me the truth… if you can’t hold this package… JUST TELL ME!
That will be fine… I can live with it. I just want someone to shoot straight with me. Can you do that… will you be the one that doesn’t lie to me?
Customer “Service” Representative: Yes sir, I will tell you the honest truth… I’m sorry for all the trouble you’ve gone through… it sounds like you’ve been dealing with a call center and they’ve told you several different things. They definitely have training issues there. Regarding the call center being closed, that is a recent change that hasn’t been effectively communicated. Give me your name and a number where I can reach you and I’ll call you back in 30 minutes.
Me: Brad Harper… 7 0 4… 2 5 8… 7 4 7 3. Thank you very much.
Dianna called back at 7:44 AM (not bad) and said she had found my package and that I could pick it up from 8-5. Finally, after 4 complete idiots reciting scripted rules based on inflexible business practices, one person actually listened to my dilemma and was able to effectively solve it (undoubtedly by doing somebody else’s job) in half an hour.
This is the new face of American Business… unfortunately I think it’s here to stay.
