On seeing his son the first time, a man’s life has cast upon it all at once the most enduring complexity and serene simplicity imaginable. For the tide of his triumph I live, by the tide of his triumph I fall.
I’m on a brief hiatus from writing due to time and energy constraints. Instead of longer posts, I’ve been posting links on Facebook and jotting notes on topics that come to mind for future posts.
My second son Ben was born on October 23rd and, quite honestly, we’ve had our hands full! The mental/physical transition from one child to two is quite different from the transition to your first child - in some aspects easier, in others however, almost inconceivably more difficult.
The experience from our first instilled a sense of confidence that made the delivery, first days, and transition home much less stressful. We knew there would be limited sleep, lots of newborn diapers, and the overwhelming joy of new life. We knew how to hold the baby to support his neck, but also that he wasn’t made of fragile glass. We knew we didn’t have to check his breathing every 4 minutes around the clock - short of an abnormal occurrence, he’d be ok.
The biggest adjustment for me has been the mental realignment required to re-prioritize one’s time, dedication and energy to what feels like two priorities which both seem to warrant being first. I’ve become completely dedicated to an intense relationship with my son, now I have to chop up my thoughts and energy to be divided amongst another human whose development and friendship is also a tremendous value. We’ve struggled with the realization that our time will now be allocated towards the development of two humans, which means A) our oldest son cannot continue to receive the dedication he’s enjoyed until now, and B) our new son cannot receive the same level that our first did. Seems like a loss for all parties until you realize the long-term benefits to all. Teaching a child to think is one of the most rewarding and fulfilling things I’ve ever done, but it takes lots of time and patience to be done correctly. The biggest tradeoff with multiple children is the cost that each one will get less parental energy, with the reward being the companionship of a sibling.
I suspect we’ll see some almost synergistic learning between the two when they get older, and that potential offset is comforting. Most importantly, our boys will be separated by only two years so they’ll very likely be close friends - this is the ultimate reward for the current parent sharing reality.