I wish this were courtesy of The Onion.
A silly new bill strives to criminalize perception in the vein of thought crimes. Since we’ve pretty much abandoned a proper legal system (one prescribing law based on objective rules pertinent to the protection of an individuals right to life, liberty and property), prosecuting anyone for anything is now fair game.
This blob of insane, emotional drivel would make one who commits “visual sexual aggression” (looking at another individual while being conscious of a particular set of concepts) a felon. The chief do-gooder of this absurdity is Dawn Hill, a Democrat. Dawn enlightens us with her motive:
Her involvement started when Ogunquit Police Lt. David Alexander was called to a local beach to deal with a man who appeared to be observing children entering the community bathrooms. Because the state statute prevents arrests for visual sexual aggression of a child in a public place, Alexander said he and his fellow officer could only ask the man to move along.
“There was no violation of law that we could enforce. There was nothing we could charge him with,” Alexander said.
He attended a talk with Hill a week later and brought the case to her attention. Hill pledged to do what she could, Alexander said, and the result was a change through the Criminal Justice and Public Safety Committee in the House, which made the law applicable in both private and public places.
Alexander said he’s grateful Hill was willing to take up the cause, and is hopeful the measure will clear the Senate.
“I’ll be pleased that we were able to identify this flaw and take steps to rectify it,” he said.
Under the bill, if someone is arrested for viewing children in a public place, it would be a Class D felony if the child is between 12 to 14 years old and a Class C felony if the child is under 12, according to Alexander.
Hill said she believes the move was necessary to correct what she called a “loophole” in the state’s criminal law statutes. [emphasis added]
We can only presume the “loophole” Dawn refers to was the remnant of objectivity present in her state’s legal code.
I imagine it was terribly frustrating to know that such an atrocity (one individual looking at another one while he could possibly be thinking about something that, if enacted, could possibly be immoral or objectionable to some people) could occur to helpless children. In principle, we should consider expanding the protective scope of this measure to all people (with the exception of white, capitalist males or course). We must take the proper steps to protect individuals from the irreparable damage inflicted when others detect their existence while maintaining a forbidden state of consciousness. If we really wanted to be a catalyst for positive change, we could also ban indiscriminate auditory detection of humans under such mindsets.
With time, we can only hope this intuitive, and clairvoyant legal tactic will be the cornerstone for a litany of progressive laws that would enable government control of every thought, emotion, action and consequence of our lives. Society will then be well on it’s way to the utter domination of existence, identity and causality, abandoning it’s current status as a mere subordinate of reality.
In the interest of full disclosure, just yesterday, while in line at Dunkin Donuts, I actually pondered the taste of a sour cream doughnut without imagining paying for it. I admit it. It was wrong, and for the greater good, I’m willing to pay the consequences.